My brother, Eric, and I have had something of an invention contest since we were kids. We’re always thinking and scheming, and we’ve even patented a few. This was my latest, of which my very funny brother was not initially grasping. (Apologies in advance for the slightly graphic nature of our exchange. : )

Karen: That invention in my dream. I remember what it was now — a toilet that uses compressed air instead of water…

Eric: That’s hilarious , compressed air up your hole will kill you! There won’t be anyone around to clean up the mess :)

Karen: No no no!!! Not up your hole! Compressed air to blow everything DOWN the hole. lol. You’re making fun of my multi-billion dollar idea?!

Have you ever invented anything?

Okay, so this shoebox of books I keep in my car isn’t technically a Kindle, but for me it serves the same purpose.  Aside from the fact that my shoebox only holds around six books vs Kindle’s 1,500, it does provide a serviceable selection of reading material at a moment’s notice.

With all the waiting I do for Cait from after-school sports these days, I’m always sitting around with time to spare.  Having a handy book helps pass the time.

Actually, truth be told, I’d love a Kindle. The advantages would be numerous for me — no more rooms full of book shelves, lots of trees saved, all the information I need on one device…

But, alas, the types of books I read (primarily nonfiction resource-type books) aren’t readily available yet.

So Amazon, Google, and B&N, would ya hurry it along and catch up already!

To all my “mom” friends–here are a few smiles to brighten your day.

[Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:]

Why did God make mothers?

1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you Your mother & not some other mom?

1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my Mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your Mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.

Who’s the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What’s the difference between Moms & Dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home & dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but Moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect?

1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Okay, if the above didn’t make you laugh — here’s another chance:

THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.

“Why?” my daughter asked.

“Because it’s been laying outside, you don’t know where it’s been, it’s dirty and probably has germs” I replied.

At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, “Wow! How do you know all this stuff?”

“Uh,” …I was thinking quickly,”All moms know this stuff. It’s on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don’t let you be a Mommy.”

We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.

“OH…I get it!” she beamed, “So if you don’t pass the test you have to be the daddy.”

“Exactly” I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.

[Both of these ditties were sent by email. I could not find the original authors to give credit. If you know who they are, please let me know and I'll credit them.]