Author Mom with Dogs

Apply dog’s version of K.I.S.S. more often:

Handle every stressful situation like a dog.

If you can’t eat it or play with it,

Just pee on it and walk away.

One of the ongoing battles I have with the modern world is how it works so hard to rob our children of their childhoods. I’ve fought a good war on as many fronts as I’ve been able — protecting my daughter when she’s needed protecting, and encouraging her to move out to meet that world when she’s given the signal that she’s been ready.

Sometimes knowing how and when has been glaringly obvious. Like knowing that Cait can’t handle watching gore and violence on TV, and then giving her the tools to block the offending channels and shows for herself — because she’s adamant about not having those images and emotions involuntarily inflicted upon herself.

Sometimes it’s been a delicate balancing act. Like knowing if and when to allow for individual pieces of this whole electronic-techno gadgetry age. Does a 12 year old need her own cell phone when none of her friends have one, she only has one after-school activity, and she’s not interested in hanging out anywhere except at home? So far, because she can take my phone whenever she needs one, the answer has been: not yet. I suspect next year that answer will change.

And sometimes we just have to test the water to get a feel for where we are. As with the cell phone, none of her friends have discovered a serious need for email. At most, they like to send each other an occasional Monkey email card through their parents’ emails. That’s all just starting to change.

So when Cait asked me to help her set up her own email account, I understood that it was as much about a desire for a little more privacy as it was about a need to communicate more with her friends.

It seemed the right time to jump in. After I set up her account and showed her how to log on and set her password, I sent her her first grown-up email.

My favorite carol for your listening pleasure.

While I always value simple things, that’s been especially true this holiday season. It’s been the little things (which really aren’t so little to me) for which I feel most blessed.

Like an uncluttered Christmas tree. And a daughter who’s old enough and wonderful enough to cook dinner when I’m facing deadline crunches.

And having Wink and Finn both know how to use the dog door now.

And that I get to live in a beautiful, safe spot in the world, where Kiera is still healthy and well enough to continue to enjoy it with me.

And that Kiera not only tolerates Wink — but she’s actually grown to love having him around.

And that, after 25 years of knowing my husband, I still find him as smart, funny, and lovable as I did way back when.  Maybe even a little more so…

And that you, dear readers, continue to drop by.

So, it is with much thanks that I say –

Interesting changes in light all day today.

6:30 am

8:30 am

10:30 am

12:30 pm

2:30 pm

4:00 pm

6:00 pm - Power out from an ice storm.

8:00 pm

10:00 pm. Jupiter and Venus, as evening stars, holding hands in the southwest sky - and a dead camera battery. G’nite all.

Here’s one smart dog who’s figured out a creative solution.

I’m having a blast reading through all the “Smart Dog” stories people are sending in. I wish I could include this video sent by Heide. Kinda sums up the spirit of my book.

For those of you who’d like to play and haven’t submitted your story yet, there’s still time. Visit this post for details and submission guidelines.

Cait, knowing we had a long drive ahead, led with her standard question as soon as we pulled out of the driveway, “So, Mom, what should we talk about?”

Feeling more than a little frazzled and grumpy from a ridiculously hectic morning, I said, “Give me a minute.”

I  concentrated on unfurrowing my brow, loosening my grip on the steering wheel, and taking a couple of deep breaths.

“Okay,” I said, looking over at Cait. “Now, what was it you wanted to talk about?”

“I want to know how you’re able to do that,” Cait said.

“Do what?” I said.

“Change your mood that fast? I mean, just a minute ago, you were a little scary. Now you’re all smiling and relaxed. How did you do that?” Cait said.

“Ah-so Grasshopper…,” I laughed. “You ready for a story?”

Cait rolled her eyes. “I guess I asked for it.” She settled back in her seat and got comfortable.

“Long, long ago, and far, far away,” I began, “there were two young women living in England, who were very different from each other. One was sure that everything in life would work out the way she expected, because that had been her experience. The other was sure everything in life would be a struggle, because that had been her experience.”

Getting drawn into the story, Cait asked, “Were they friends?”

“They learned to like each other over time, but they weren’t what you’d call natural friends. Their worlds were too different.”

“What made their worlds so different?”

“One came from a very wealthy family where her every need and want was met. She hadn’t known a day of hardship and had encountered very few disappointments. The other was not from a wealthy family, and she was expected to pitch in and work from an early age. When her father became ill, she left school to help run his business until he recovered. She was accustomed to life’s left turns and disappointments.”

Looking over to see if Cait was still with me, I continued, “The rich girl thought the serious girl was no fun. The serious girl thought the rich girl was spoiled and frivolous. Since neither of them realized they’d come together to teach the other an important life lesson, they simply accepted their uneasy coupling.”

“They do seem a little odd together…” Cait said. “So what were the lessons?”

“I’m getting to that,” I said. “The serious girl was trying to make up for the lost semester and was taking a heavy course load that kept her shuttling between two cities. This required a long train ride several times a week. She’d get up at 4:30 in the morning to walk to the station, and she wouldn’t get home until after 9:00 at night. She’d spend a few more hours on homework, and then get up and do it all over again the next day.”

I continued, “One day, the rich girl decided that it would be fun to meet the serious girl in London, have a night out on the town, and hop the last train home. The serious girl was in need of having some fun. So they met, and indeed they had a lot of fun. And…” I looked at Cait, “they lost track of time.”

“Uh oh,” Cait said ominously.

“Yep,” I said. “By the time the serious girl looked at her watch, she realized there was no way they’d make the last train. So she did what she was good at doing. She went into problem-solving mode, switched to Plan B, and decided they could sleep on a park bench for the night. Because, even if they’d pooled their money, there wouldn’t have been enough left to get a room.”

“That’s what I would have done,” Cait said.

“Yeah?” I said. “You thinking you’re more like the serious girl?”

“I don’t know yet,” Cait answered. “You haven’t told me what the rich girl is going to do yet.”

“Here’s what the rich girl does,” I said, and then I took a long swig from my water bottle.

“Mommmm,” Cait said, grabbing for the bottle. “The story!”

“Right.” I put the water bottle down. “So the rich girl listens to the serious girl’s assessment of the situation and says, ‘You can sleep on a park bench if you want, but I’m running for the train!’ and off she goes at a gallop!”

Cait’s eyebrows raised and her mouth dropped. “And she just left the serious girl behind?! All alone?!”

“She did. For about thirty seconds. And then she raced back, grabbed her hand and said, ‘Come on, we’re going to make that train!’ And she pulled the serious girl behind her.” I looked over at Cait, “The serious girl had no choice but to run, but she was thinking the whole time that the train had already left by then; she knew the train schedule by heart. There was just no way…”

“And…” Cait urged.

“And they got to Victoria Station in time to see on the departure board that the train had been delayed. They jumped the turn styles and ran out to the platform just as the train started slowly pulling out of the station. The rich girl yelled to the porter and he held the door open for them. After they’d hopped onto the train, the serious girl couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Why,” Cait asked.

“Because she’d just experienced a life-changing moment and she knew it. In that instant, her brain got rewired and she was giddy with that awareness.”

“Just like that?” Cait said.

“Just like that,” I said. “From that moment on, she knew she would always run for the train — metaphorically speaking. And she has ever since.”

“That’s actually pretty cool, Mom.” Cait said, “so, what was the lesson the serious girl taught the rich girl?”

I patted Cait’s knee. “That’s another story for another day,” I said.

Cait thought for a moment. “So, Mom, were you the rich girl?”

“I’ve become the rich girl in spirit,” I smiled. “But back then, the rich girl was my college room-mate.  I have to give her credit for some of my more outrageous accomplishments. Because, whenever I think something isn’t possible or think that I can’t, I remember that night, and decide that I can.”

“And that’s how you changed your mood earlier? You just decided to be happy?”

“That’s a small first step, my love, but one of the most important,” I said. “Once you decide to be happy, once you decide that the world is here to support you rather than to fight against you, then anything is possible.”

I looked over at Cait, “So, you know where I’m going with this…”

She laughed. “Yes, mother, I promise from this day forward to always run for the train.”

“And I promise,” I said, “that if you do, there will always be a train waiting for you.”

All aboard!

In this season of thanks-giving, this video reminds me of how precious life is and how thankful I am for all my beloved four-footeds and two-footeds.

May your week be filled with as much love, joy, and peace.

From the mailbag: Cheryl writes: I just started a blog four months ago and at first had all kinds of things I wanted to write about. Then I started putting too much pressure on myself to come up with something brilliant everyday and I quickly got writer’s block. Then I got obsessed with checking my stats. Then I found myself actually getting really bummed that people weren’t leaving comments. So I just ditched the whole thing. But now I’m thinking of trying again. I really enjoy your blog and wondered what you make of the whole blogging thing, how you came up with what you’d write about, how you keep what you do fresh, how you determined who you wanted your audience to be, and how you handle the whole stats and comments thing.

Dear Cheryl: Blogging is an interesting endeavor, if ever there was one. And your questions remind me of one of the first writing principles all journalists learn - the Five Ws (and one H). Who, What, Where, When, Why, and How. Let me see if I can answer these for you, in no particular order.

WHY (I blog)

Seems to me people start blogs for one of five reasons.

1. Some blog because they like to write, and they like to share what they write.
2. Some blog as a way of staying in touch with friends and family at a distance.
3. Some blog because there is a subject about which they feel passionate.
4. Some blog for business/professional reasons.
5. Some blog because they see it as a way to eventually make some money.

Typically, a couple of these reasons get combined. In my case, it was a combination of 1, 3, and 4. I wish I could include number 2, but of all my friends and family, only ONE friend that I know of and zippo-nada-zero-zilch family members –not even my own husband– read my blog (said with mock indignation).

Knowing why you want to blog and what you want to blog about helps to significantly diminish the likelihood of writer’s block.

WHAT (I write about)

Because I created this blog primarily for professional reasons, that pretty much determined what my blogging was going to be about. That said, I’ve done something all blog experts caution against (maybe you’ve noticed that I sometimes have problems following rules…). I’ve really created two blogs in one: a dog blog, and a mommy blog.

Both camps are pretty passionate about their subjects and don’t necessarily share the interests of the other, so it can get tricky trying to write posts of value that work to keep both sides in balance. If I’d been at all concerned about monetizing my blog, I would have gone with one or the other.

As for keeping the blog fresh — living with four quintessentially quirky animals, and a daughter in the throes of teenage-dom, I don’t expect I’ll be running out of material any time soon.

WHO (I write for)

1. Readers of my books who come here to find out what happened to the characters they came to care about.
2. Blog readers who share my interests in thinking more deeply about relationships — with ourselves, our partners, our children, our animals, and the natural world.
3. Google. I try to provide useful information for people who are looking for help with their dogs.
4. Myself.  Most of my “Cait” posts I write for me. They’re little moments I want to remember.
5. Cait. When she’s older, I think she’ll have fun reading back over this time.

WHEN (I post)

Right now, I’m inundated with writing projects, so I’m happy to get a post up once a week. I know many bloggers feel pressured to post much more frequently to keep their Technorati numbers, etc. up. That makes sense if the intention is to eventually attract advertisers. But, if that’s not your goal, just post when you have something to say. Most people read blogs through feed-readers anyway, so you don’t have to worry about losing readers from infrequent posting. If they like what you have to say, they’ll leave you on their list.

WHERE (I blog)

There are many excellent, free blogging platforms. I got started with Wordpress because it came as part of my hosting package. I’d say that Wordpress and EBlogger are the two most popular platforms in use. You can’t go wrong with either one. Both have great support, and are a snap to set up and use.

HOW (I deal with stats and comments)

All bloggers quickly discover that the interactive aspect of blogging is both wonderful and a curse. Wonderful, because there is no other writing forum I know of that allows for such immediate feedback. A curse, because if you start using that feedback (stats and comments) to determine the worth of what you’re doing, you’re sunk.

The reality is that stats are built over time by writing lots of posts, by visiting lots of other bloggers and leaving comments so they’ll hopefully return the favor by visiting and commenting on your blog, and by writing content that people are likely to google. Even so, as with everything in life, there’s an ebb and flow to stats and comments too.

Maybe it’s just the evolution of blogging, but I’ve found that the longer I blog, the less I care about stats. I am always very appreciative of the people who come and visit and leave comments. And I wish I had more time to regularly keep up with and comment on my favorite blogs. (That’s also one of the benefits of blogging: you’ll find yourself developing a tangible sense of community with like-minded bloggers.) But I’ve also had to accept that, at least for the time being, I have limited time to do so. That life thing–you know…

It takes time to grow and evolve a blog into a living, breathing entity with its own unique character and identity, so be patient. My advice to new bloggers would be to forget about your stat counter, and focus on enjoying the process of writing. The rest of the time you have available would be better spent reading other bloggers and letting them know you appreciate their efforts. Before you know it, you’ll have your own set of blog buds who you’ll be able to count as regulars.

[Comics courtesy of Blaugh.com]

I’ve got to make some decisions about which vaccines I’ll be subjecting Wink to and whether or not he’ll be neutered.

It’s been several years since I’ve had to deal with puppy vaccine and neutering schedules, and there’s been a considerable amount of new information regarding these procedures since Kiera was a puppy. So I’ve been getting myself back up to speed on current knowledge.

Although many vets are up on the latest research coming out against annual vaccines and automatic neutering, some are not. It pays for each of us to do our own homework. Following is some of the most up-to-date information available.

Dr. Jean Dodds’ article, Recommended Vaccination Schedule, gives helpful and specific information. You should read it especially if you have breeds or families of dogs susceptible to immune dysfunction, immune-mediated disease,immune-reactions associated with vaccinations, or autoimmune endocrine disease (e.g., thyroiditis, Addison’s or Cushing’s disease, diabetes, etc.).

One of the key points in Dodds’ article that merits consideration is the use of titers rather than automatic vaccination.

This article on Vaccinations by Catherine O’Driscoll is also a real eye-opener.

Because Wink’s breed (Cavalier King Charles Spaniel) is known for sensitivity to vaccines, we will prepare for the necessary shots by giving him a Benadryl dose appropriate for his weight beforehand to help with the potential reaction and then Thuja (a homeopathic remedy) for 3 days after to help with relieving the unwanted side-effects. Once we’re through with the mandatory shots, we’ll titer from then on.

The Natural Canine is a great on-line resource for health supplements and supplies.

This article on Long-Term Health Risks and Benefits Associated with Spay / Neuter in Dogs by Laura J. Sanborn, M.S. (May 14, 2007) gives a good overview. The full article is well worth the read. Following, are the conclusions:

“An objective reading of the veterinary medical literature reveals a complex situation with respect to the longterm health risks and benefits associated with spay/neuter in dogs. The evidence shows that spay/neuter correlates with both positive AND adverse health effects in dogs. It also suggests how much we really do not yet understand about this subject.On balance, it appears that no compelling case can be made for neutering most male dogs to prevent future health problems, especially immature male dogs. The number of health problems associated with neutering may exceed the associated health benefits in most cases.

For female dogs, the situation is more complex. The number of health benefits associated with spaying may exceed the associated health problems in many (not all) cases. On balance, whether spaying improves the odds of overall good health or degrades them probably depends on the age of the dog and the relative risk of various diseases in the different breeds.

The traditional spay/neuter age of six months as well as the modern practice of pediatric spay/neuter appear to predispose dogs to health risks that could otherwise be avoided by waiting until the dog is physically mature, or perhaps in the case of many male dogs, foregoing it altogether unless medically necessary. The balance of long-term health risks and benefits of spay/neuter will vary from one dog to the next. Breed, age, and gender are variables that must be taken into consideration in conjunction with non-medical factors for each individual dog. Across-the-board recommendations for all dogs do not appear to be supportable from findings in the veterinary medical literature.”

Once Wink is fully grown, he’ll be getting a vasectomy. The surgery risks are minimal and the benefits of maintaining his hormones are substantial.

Hey guys, want to make your smart dog famous?  I’ve been contracted to write a book that will include stories about how dogs demonstrate their intelligence. I’d like to include a story about your Doggy Einstein if you’ve got a good one.

If you think for a moment, I’ll bet you can recall several stories.

To help jog your memory:

Has your dog ever demonstrated uncommon common sense?

Has your dog ever shown cleverness or trickiness in getting its needs met, or in any other way?

Has your dog ever problem-solved in creative ways?

Has your dog ever thought its actions through?

Has your dog ever understood every word you said, even the ones you didn’t teach it, to accomplish your request?

Has your dog ever concocted interesting ways, demonstrating intelligence, to keep itself amused?

Has your dog ever easily outwitted you, or another pet?

Has your dog ever known what you needed before you did?

Does your dog have an amazing internal clock, or a sense of geography/location?

Is your dog an escape artist extraordinaire?

You get the idea.

There is no limit to the number of stories you can submit. Just write from the heart to tell your tale.  If your submission is selected, not only will you get to see your story in print, but you’ll also get to have both your and your dog’s name included at the top of your story.

So get crackin’ and email your stories to me at “Karen at Karen Shanley dot com,” with “Smart Dog” in the subject line. If I think I can use your story, I’ll be in touch with further details.

Please feel free to copy and cross post to dog lists and dog friends.

Thanks!

Where has the time gone? How can she be nine years old?

It was just yesterday that she came home with me.

She has been Cait’s best babysitter.

Guardian of the gardens.

Protector of the flock.

My right hand girl. My soul mate.

I cannot imagine life without her.

Her smiling eyes compel me to leave the past and future in the past and future, so we can continue to enjoy every minute we have right now.

And her “right now” is saying “Time to go for our walk!”

So you’ll have to pardon us, because we have promises to keep, and miles to go before we sleep…

PetDoc has a terrific web site and blog for pet lovers, chock full of health news, behavioral and training tips, and interesting editorials and interviews. Today, I’m the featured guest and you can read the interview here.

While you’re there, stick around and read these interviews from two of my good blogging buds.

Jen’s SacredPaws interview and Therese’s PetUSA interview.

Having recently written about how to find a dog from a breeder, I wanted to give equal air time on how to find a dog from rescue or shelters.

I’d like to start with this piece written by a rescue person, from the Best of Craigslist.

Note to adopters

Lassie, Cleo, Rin Tin Tin and Toto don’t show up in rescue. We don’t get the elegantly coiffed, classically beautiful, completely trained, perfectly behaved dog. We get the leftovers. Dogs that other people have incompetently bred, inadequately socialized, ineffectively “trained,” and badly treated. Most Rescue dogs have had it. They’ve been pushed from one lousy situation to another. They’ve never had proper veterinary care, kind and consistent training, or sufficient company. They’ve lived outside, in a crate, or in the basement. They’re scared, depressed and anxious. Some are angry. Some are sick. Some have given up.

But we are Rescue and we don’t give up. We never give up on a dog. We know that a dog is a living being, with a spirit and a heart and feelings. Our dogs are not commodities, things, or garbage. They are part of sacred creation and they deserve as much love and care and respect as the next Westminster champion. So please, please don’t come to rescue in the hopes of getting a “bargain,” or indeed of “getting” anything. Come to Rescue to give, to love, to save a life — and to mend your own spirit. For Rescue will reward you in ways you never thought possible. I can promise you this — a rescue dog will make you a better person.

Having found several of my dogs over the years from rescue, I can tell you I heartily agree. With all of this.

Who knows what extenuating circumstances push someone to put a dog into shelters or rescue: Incompetent breeder; bad seed; wrong choice of breed; misled or under-educated owner; circumstances beyond one’s control, people who should never have been allowed to have a dog in the first place. The list goes on and on. I’m certainly not looking to play the blame game — how can I when, many years ago, I had to rehome one of my beloved dogs (aided through the help of a rescue person) because of a deadly sibling rivalry.

The point, as was so well-stated above, is that if you want to get a dog from rescue, don’t be naive and unrealistic about what’s going to be involved in making a commitment to this dog. Since the vast majority of dogs don’t wind up in rescue because their owners treasured and trained them, realize that it ain’t necessarily going to be easy. Though I can guarantee that it will be rewarding.

Okay, enough about making sure you go into getting a rescue dog with your eyes open. Here’s what you need to know:

1.  Do the research first. Educate yourself. Pick the right breed/mix for your lifestyle. If you’re not sure (even if you think you are sure) ask a few trainers what they think about your pick. Talk to other people who live with this breed.

2. Consider paying a trainer to come with you when you look at potential dogs to test for temperament.

3.  But realize that you’re not really going to see the full personality of your dog for a least a few months. That’s how long it will take most dogs to feel safe and trusting in their new environment. Some dogs take longer. Often what you’ll see will delight you — like the petals of a rose unfolding into full bloom. And sometimes, unfortunately, what you’ll see will be a problem surfacing that wasn’t apparent at the beginning. If that’s the case, get help fast.

4.  Pick a time to get your dog when you can be home for a week or two, so you’ll have a good chunk of time to devote to getting both you and your dog off to a good start. That includes immediately enrolling you and your dog into an obedience class.

5.  Form good habits fast. Learn how to deal with potentially difficult habits fast. If you’re not sure what you’re doing, or what your dog is doing and why, get help fast. The more quickly you build a way to communicate with and understand your new dog, the more quickly you’ll help her learn how to make the right choices, ensuring that she’ll get to have a long and happy life with you.

In other words, be as sure as you can be when you make a commitment to your dog that you’re in as good a position as you can be to honor it. The only thing sadder than seeing a dog in rescue is seeing one adopted and returned again through no fault of its own.

It’s a tragedy that there are so many dogs in rescue and shelters. If you’re in a position to take one home and love it for life, you’ll be richly rewarded. I can say that from considerable first-hand experience.

What’s that saying…? Never discuss politics or religion.

It’s a rule I’ve pretty much followed, because I’ve found that I’ve never (not even once) experienced an enlightening conversation on these topics in mixed company with opposing views.

Too often, it just gives people a chance to sharpen the points on their own arguments and justifications without really, I mean really, listening to the other party. And that’s about the best outcome. The worst is having one or both sides devolve into a shouting match, replete with dismissive insults.

I find this a sad commentary on people’s fears, and tendencies toward close-mindedness in the name of righteousness. I mean, really, what is so threatening that we can’t let ourselves fully consider someone else’s point of view? If for no other reason than to come to a better understanding of who that person is and why?

Okay, since I’ve never veered off the designated subjects of this blog — my daughter, my dogs, a love of nature, and the occasional writing tip — where am I going with this post?

I have many lurkers who are young people, who’ve emailed me personally over time for one reason or another.

Young people, this post is for you.

I’m sure you’ve noticed, we are living in wild times. In this election year, you have the ability to affect the outcome. Please take this responsibility and opportunity seriously. All our futures depend on it.

First, please start by reading Nutmeg’s important post on One Vote is No Longer Enough.

Second, I’m not going to demean your intelligence by “suggesting” who you should vote for. (If you email me privately and wish to know who I’m voting for and why, I’ll be happy to share.) I will tell you that I’m registered as an Independent who has, over the years, voted both Republican and Democrat. Every election I do the work of thoroughly educating myself on the issues and candidates of both parties.

If you haven’t already, I’m asking you to do the same.

Please don’t let the fear-mongers get to you, or the slogans and soundbites sway you. Educate yourself by listening to all sides, as well as committing to doing your own investigating and digging to find the facts on each of the candidates and their running mates.

(A quick tip: Major foreign news outlets help flesh out the whole picture and often give a more balanced view of what’s going on here than do our own.)

(Another quick tip: Make FactCheck.org your new best friend. This is “a nonpartisan, nonprofit, consumer advocate site for voters that aims to reduce the level of deception and confusion in U.S. politics.” Also check out Fight the Smears web site, also provided by courtesy of Nutmeg.)

And, lastly, grab your friends and their friends, and GET OUT AND VOTE!

You can REGISTER TO VOTE ONLINE here, and if you can’t get a ride or are registered in another state, you can REQUEST TO VOTE ABSENTEE here.

Be aware that there is a deadline for registration. In order to vote you must be registered 20 days before the election which is November 4th. That means you need to register by October 14th.

This may well be the most important election in which you’ll vote. Time is running out, so ACT now.

Oh, all right, since you’ve twisted my arm. I’m voting for Obama.